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The Internet, With The Help Of Destiny’s Child, Found The Pettiest Way To Up Your Water Intake

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We could talk to you until we’re blue in the face about buying larger drinking containers, infusing your water with fruit and consuming it at room temperature to get you to drink more H2o.

Destiny's Child water

But the Internet found a very interesting, albeit it incredibly petty way to motivate you to increase your water intake daily, and it involves the ladies of Destiny’s Child. When we say ladies, we mean each and every member who has come and gone from the iconic group.

Instagram Photo

That’s right. To push you to drink a gallon of water in a day, levels were added to a gallon container with a group hierarchy to measure progress. Of course, Beyoncé would end up at the very bottom. And for extra motivation, you can’t miss the “Who you tryna Bey?” query on the side.

While the shade is real with this one, if it gets folks to drink more water, then I guess that’s a great thing. And if you can even get halfway through a gallon of water, that’s amazing considering it’s more than the recommended intake per day. It can change your complexion, halt dehydration, stop snacking and curb bloating — among a long list of other benefits. And not to mention, guzzling a gallon of water daily has helped Gabrielle Union continue to age like a vampire out in these streets, so there’s always that.

Whatever it takes to hydrate, folks. But if you could, put a bit more respect on Michelle’s name. Please and thank you.

The post The Internet, With The Help Of Destiny’s Child, Found The Pettiest Way To Up Your Water Intake appeared first on MadameNoire.


Has Marriage And Motherhood Left You With A “Mental Load”?

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There’s no question that a marriage is a lot of work, but people tend to look at it in different ways. During my single years, one of my friends told me that marriage was “work, but fun work.”

mental load

After three and a half years of being married myself, I can attest to the fact that it can be a lot of fun if you marry the right person. Adding children to the mix can make your life even more fulfilling and rewarding. But if I’m being honest, the work also can be exhausting. Although it’s not a new phenomenon that both marriage and parenthood are tons of work, the reasons behind this stress and with whom it all lays on is not that widely discussed.

Normally, each person has a role in his or her marriage. One person might be better at paying the bills and paying them on time while the other is better suited to keeping the home in order. Since each marriage is different, the role or roles in which a person takes on should be tailored to their relationship.

With that being said, I can’t help but to assume, based on my own experiences and those of my peers, that women universally take on the same type of work in their relationship — the brunt of it. Even though the duties of wives and mothers are specific to their marriage and relationships, the effects of this role are the same: We are all tired AF.

This role is the manager or the COO of the household. We pretty much “run” the home. While it’s cute and funny to acknowledge that truth, it’s not that cute and funny to the women who are living it, daily. Let me define what the manager of the home does. They basically make sure that ALL things get done, efficiently. That means the children’s needs are met (doctors appointments, school affairs, getting dressed, hygiene needs, etc.), the house is kept clean, and food is made available (includes groceries as well as actually cooking or ordering in).

This does not mean that every woman does all of those things, but it does mean that she oversees the handling of these things and thinks about said things a lot.

I’ve had this responsibility since I’ve been married and it intensified after two kids, but lately, the intensity has swelled. Fortunately, I’ve pinpointed the cause, and it’s deeper than just chores. It’s the worry over whether or not I can get everything done. I have too much on my mind, making me mentally exhausted. It’s like having a series of tabs open in a web browser so as not to forget the many tasks that you have to complete, only for all of it to slow down your computer.

When I first told my husband that I was stressed due to the “many things on my mind,” aka, the weight I put on the many responsibilities I have, he responded with, “Well, don’t do half of them.” If I listened to him, things would likely fall apart.

I didn’t think this idea had a title other than “stress” until I saw a friend’s social media post. It’s called a “mental load.” A comic strip entitled “You Should’ve Asked” explains the concept of the mental load and the roles each party in a marriage play in it. Basically, it’s what happens “when a man expects his partner to ask him to do things.” It’s when one party takes on the brunt of the work and tasks in a relationship to the point that their partner thinks they’re ok with it, otherwise, the partner believes they would have asked for help.

As I read the comic, I realized that it described my life to a T. I had my husband read it and he didn’t quite grasp or agree with the concept, though. I think the word “feminist” at the very beginning of the comic made him slightly defensive from the start. With that being said, I came to the conclusion that it’s up to me to alleviate my stress — not anyone else. If I’m being honest, though, it hasn’t been easy. As of late, the only thing I have done to help alleviate any stress is write every single thing that I have to do down on either a Post-it note or my dry erase board. That frees some space in my brain, but unfortunately, I quickly find something else to fill it.

In order to stay sane and practice self-care, I am determined to find more solutions to help our household run smoothly without running myself into the ground. I also want to find ways to help my husband understand the struggle. However, I won’t try to figure out both at the same time. That’s how I got in this mess in the first place…

Are you a wife or mother going through similar issues? Do you have any suggestions that have worked and are working for you?

The post Has Marriage And Motherhood Left You With A “Mental Load”? appeared first on MadameNoire.

Signs Your Relationship Is Over, Even If It Isn’t

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[caption id="attachment_834220" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Young displeased black couple.American african men arguing with his girlfriend, who is sitting on sofa on couch next to him with legs crossed.Man looking away offended expression on her face.Cropped[/caption] Everyone has taken a trip to denial town when their relationship was clearly coming to an end. Some people get comfortable and stay in deniable town for a long time, as they just try not to think about the state of their relationship. So long as they don’t look too closely, they can pretend that things are just fine. Some people move into denial town, compartmentalize their lives, and marry a person with whom the spark is gone and the compatibility is nonexistent. Spend as much time in denial as you want, but the fact of the matter is that just because you can still technically call yourself taken doesn’t mean there is any life left in your relationship—you may just be dragging its corpse around. Here are undeniable signs your relationship is over, even if you haven’t called it quits. [caption id="attachment_707169" align="alignleft" width="421"]take him back Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You’re pining after somebody new

So long as you have eyes that work, you’re going to find other people attractive. But when you’re fully invested in your partner, you forget about those other people the moment you’re around him. If you’ve found yourself fantasizing about somebody else regularly and while you’re with your partner, it’s over. Your connection is broken and now you’re seeking somebody new to latch onto.     [caption id="attachment_704639" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You delay going home

You’re always the one who wants to get your friends one last round of drinks or wants to put finishing touches on a work project for hours. You are in no hurry to get home to your partner. Remember when you annoyed your friends because you rushed off after one drink because you couldn’t wait to see your boo? If that seems like ages ago, it’s over.       [caption id="attachment_611081" align="alignleft" width="423"] Corbis Images[/caption]

Listening to him is a chore

Listening to your partner talk about things he cares about, complain about work, talk about his dreams, or really discuss anything that requires active listening on your part feels like a chore. You don’t really care about being involved in his life anymore, so now when he talks, you just wait for him to stop so you can watch TV. And you edit down your life updates to two sentences.       [caption id="attachment_704584" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You feel guilty around his family

You are starting to feel pretty bad every time his mom asks you to get coffee or his dad stops by to fix something in your apartment. His family is investing in you because they think you’re going to stick around. Deep down, you know you’re on your way out, so you feel guilty. You feel the same way around his friends who make an effort with you.     [caption id="attachment_715001" align="alignleft" width="425"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You won’t inconvenience yourself to see him

If it’s that night of the week when finding parking in his neighborhood is particularly difficult, you just won’t go over. If you have an appointment in the morning that’s far away from his place, you won’t go over the night before. Hey, remember the days when you’d park a half hour walk away from his apartment if you had to, just so you could sleep next to him for five hours before waking up and driving across town to work? [caption id="attachment_713803" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You feel sad after sex

After having sex with your partner, you feel the way you did when you were single and would wake up after having drunken sex next to someone you regret sleeping with. Giving your body to someone you no longer feel connected to is a very empty sensation.           [caption id="attachment_705388" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You aren’t even together when you’re together

When you and your boyfriend do hang out, he plays video games and you read. You don’t even bother with agreeing on when and what to eat; your partner orders pizza when he wants to, and you pick up your favorite take-out a little bit later. You’re not actually spending time together, but you get to say you are since you’re in the same room.       [caption id="attachment_718323" align="alignleft" width="415"] Shutterstock[/caption]

People are surprised you’re in a relationship

People are often surprised to find out that you’re in a relationship. You never mention your boyfriend, you never seem like you’re in any hurry to get home to somebody, and you’re even pretty flirty with other men. There are people you’ve known for months who had no idea you were in a relationship.         [caption id="attachment_719795" align="alignleft" width="429"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Your friends are dropping hints

Your friends have begun asking you leading questions like, “You’re happy, right?” and saying things like, “You know you can always talk to me about anything.” They’ve also gone on long rants about how happy and perfect some other couple is…almost as if to point out to you that you and your boyfriend are nothing like them.       [caption id="attachment_700509" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You love when your partner travels

You love when your partner goes out of town. It feels like being a teenager and having your parents go out of town. You don’t have to check in with him as much or worry about what time you get home. The times you’ve been the happiest recently were when your partner was out of town.         [caption id="attachment_704630" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Saying, “I love you” makes you feel dead inside

Saying the words, “I love you” to your partner has started to make you feel dead inside, panicked, numb, guilty, stale—you name it, but it isn’t good. It’s because you know you are lying, and you’re telling one of the worst lies of all.         [caption id="attachment_702119" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You fight more than you don’t

You spend much more time fighting than getting along. Your relationship has started to feel like a tremendous amount of work. Every week is an uphill battle of arguments to possibly enjoy an hour of getting along before you start fighting all over again.           [caption id="attachment_608914" align="alignleft" width="500"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Doing favors for him bothers you

If your partner asks you to pick up his prescription on your way home, asks you to help with his chores around the apartment because he’s under a lot of stress, or simply asks for a backrub, you feel incredibly irritated. You used to gladly do your partner favors because his love was all the repayment you needed. But now, his love does nothing for you, so these favors are just annoyances. [caption id="attachment_617897" align="alignleft" width="451"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You’re phoning it in on presents

Buying presents for your partner on his birthday and other holidays has started to bother you. It just feels like money down the drain since you know, in your gut, you won’t be together much longer. You’ve started phoning it in on gifts and trying to see how cheap you can be without him noticing.       [caption id="attachment_614093" align="alignleft" width="424"] Corbis[/caption]

You’re envious of that happy couple

When you see happy, bonded couples, you feel like you have nothing in common to them—you cannot relate to them, at all. There once was a time when you were a part of the happy couple club, but now you feel decidedly on the outside of it.

The post Signs Your Relationship Is Over, Even If It Isn’t appeared first on MadameNoire.

Beyond Classically Beautiful Presents Body Noire 2: A Celebration Of Black Female Bodies

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Credit: Kunle Ayodeji

Nearly three years ago multi-media journalist Abi Ishola unveiled Beyond Classically Beautiful, a photo story showcasing the vast beauty of Black women, in response to that notorious NY Times article in which Viola Davis was called “less classically beautiful.” Now, Ishola is back with a second celebration of Black female bodies called Body Noire 2, a photo series featuring six different women explaining how they came to love their bodies. The subjects include Jezra M, Model, Blogger, Women’s Advocate, & Founder of Pure Body Love; Nell Coleman, Promotional Model & Founder of The B.A.L.D.I.E Movement; Lola Adesanya, Fashion Designer; Shanika Hillocks, PR Specialist; Hawanatu Mansaray, a student; and Taja Ellis, Health Coach/Entrepreneur. The women were photographed in striking poses in black and white, showing of the curves, definition, and overall beauty of their bodies. Check out the individual photos of the women on the next few pages. For more on their stories, head over to Beyondclassicallybeautiful.com. https://www.instagram.com/p/BVi1_KjlgQi/?taken-by=beyondclassicallybeautiful https://www.instagram.com/p/BVi1HuZFKrd/?taken-by=beyondclassicallybeautiful https://www.instagram.com/p/BVi0YQxFR7y/?taken-by=beyondclassicallybeautiful https://www.instagram.com/p/BVizSuIF3si/?taken-by=beyondclassicallybeautiful https://www.instagram.com/p/BViyxyElnS_/?taken-by=beyondclassicallybeautiful https://www.instagram.com/p/BVitRN2Fbzi/?taken-by=beyondclassicallybeautiful https://www.instagram.com/p/BVivqJmFX_w/?taken-by=beyondclassicallybeautiful https://www.instagram.com/p/BVixPqTFHNu/?taken-by=beyondclassicallybeautiful https://www.instagram.com/p/BVhiBv3jGAY/?taken-by=jezra_m   https://www.instagram.com/p/BVhRDEWFB89/?taken-by=shanikahillocks

The post Beyond Classically Beautiful Presents Body Noire 2: A Celebration Of Black Female Bodies appeared first on MadameNoire.

Danielle Brooks On Art Imitating Life In “OITNB” And The End of The Show

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Image via WENN

The latest season of “Orange Is The New Black,” season 5, was released last week on Netflix. And after the death of Poussey in season 4, some of us are either excited to see what happens or weary about the ways in which that particular scene mimicked what’s happening in real life.

Interestingly enough, Danielle Brooks, who plays Taystee, on the show, felt both at times as she took on such a pivotal role in season 5. In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly, she spoke about how the similarities between her character’s story line and real life headlines have often left her heartbroken. But she also shared the sense of hope both she and her character Taystee have for the future of this nation.

Note: Some of the questions and answers from the interviews contain spoilers about Season 5.

EW: The season’s been out for a week now. Have you had time to watch it? How do you feel about it?

DANIELLE BROOKS: Yes, I have gotten to see season 5. I’m very proud of the work that myself, the cast, crew, and writers have done this season, especially because it parallels the world that we live in. Actually, today I got a little pissed off, honestly—I just heard the news on the radio about the Philando Castile [case] and the officer being acquitted. I just appreciate the show speaking to the issues that we’re dealing with. Right now, my heart really goes out to the Castile family for having to feel like they’re not getting justice for this senseless death. That’s sort of where my head is right now, and it kind of sucks because you’re telling this fictional story for six or seven months, embodying what it is to lose somebody and what is it to fight. Then, this season comes out and here we are with another situation where justice is not served. So, my heart is a little heavy right now, to be honest.

EW: While you were filming the season, was it hard to go from reading these tragic headlines every day to performing these scenes where Taystee is fighting for justice— and at times in vain because of how rigid the system is?

DB: Yeah, it’s wicked how the system works. It was challenging. We came back in July 2016 when the Philando Castile incident occurred, so we were going right into work dealing with that particular incident. For me, my work was sort of done. People always ask, “How did you get into character? What did you read or what did you do?” I just watched the clips of Diamond Reynolds, who was his girlfriend, speaking to reporters and talking to all of these news outlets. To me, it was so similar to that episode 5 scene with Taystee when she doesn’t let Judy King [Blair Brown] speak, because that’s the same thing I saw with her; she never let her lawyers speak for her. She was always the one on the forefront putting her voice out there and saying, “You will hear what I’m feeling and the loss that you have caused me and my daughter and his mother.”

As challenging as it was to shoot this, the work was done. That’s such an unfortunate place to be in. It actually breaks my heart that I wasn’t able to really just use my imagination as we do as artists. Instead, it felt so real. All you have to do is put your uncle, your brother — I have a brother who’s 22 — your father in [their] place. It really is devastating and it feels like we still have this noose around our necks as black people. When can we win? Not even win, but just be! When can we just be as equal as anyone else? When will justice be served for us and when can we get a moment to breathe and live in a fair world?…I’m just hurting.

I want to find beauty at the end of the road. I want to have hope for America. I feel like a big part of Taystee’s motives this year is to fight for justice but also believe that the system can change. That’s a big part of it. She’s pulling out all of the stops and doing all the research and speaking up for these women in hopes that this thing can change. We see at the end of it that they stand together and now she has a group of women that are standing for justice and she doesn’t feel as alone as she did earlier in the episode. I just hope that’s what we gain with telling stories that matter in that way — we can also take from these women and say, “How can I stand with my brother and my sister? How can I be there for a family that’s lost their loved one? How can I get involved in politics or local government or [how we] choose judges?” We just have to get more involved and be more informed on a much more [local] scale that affects our communities…and will ultimately affect the greater scale. We’re all in it together.

EW: There’s this inherent optimism in Taystee’s actions this season. Was committing to that hopefulness hard some days, or did you find it easy because it gave you a reason to keep hope alive for yourself, too?

DB: Definitely the latter, because I think when someone has gone through as much as Taystee has gone through, and especially when someone is dealing with grief, you kind of have two different routes that you can take: You can choose to take the death route where you are living in misery and depression and feeling like you have no reason to live, or you can say I’m going to take life even more seriously and cherish the life that I’ve been given. I know that’s the route that she’s chosen, which is hope and faith. When it comes to the society that we live in right now, I’d rather as an actor be playing that part of it. I’d rather be putting that energy out into the world. I can’t say that I wouldn’t want to do the other route because, as an actor, I wanna play everything. I want to get to play all different moods, shapes, and colors. Sometimes I think of acting in different fabrics. I want to play all different kinds of layers of a person, which I do think I got to do. Don’t get me wrong! Taystee went left, right, up, down. This season we got to see her stand up and have her moments where she feels like she’s going to lose it and crumble. But I do think the hope part matters — especially right now.

EW: Is there a general sense in the cast that season 7 might be the end, or do you hope Netflix could renew for another season?

DB: Who knows? We have until seven for sure. To be honest, I don’t know if I want to play an inmate past that. I don’t know if I want to do that because I have a lot in me and a lot that I want to share with the world and different characters I want to be able to bring to life. After seven, I think it might be time for me to spread my wings, but I don’t want to speak too fast on that.

 

The post Danielle Brooks On Art Imitating Life In “OITNB” And The End of The Show appeared first on MadameNoire.

American Koko‘s Diarra Kilpatrick On Using Comedy To Tackle Race And Getting Co-Signed By Viola Davis

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When actress and writer Diarra Kilpatrick wrote and created her YouTube series American Koko years ago, a comedy about the Olivia Pope-esque E.A.R. Agency (Everybody’s A little bit Racist) that tackles “sticky racial situations,” she couldn’t have imagined that we were headed into a Donald Trump presidency. She also couldn’t have imagined that the cackle-inducing series would also garner the attention of Academy-Award winning actress Viola Davis and her husband Julius Tennon. The famous couple, who have a production company called JuVee, helped to bring the show to ABC’s streaming service ABCd, and it is finally available for streaming. We talked to the acclaimed writer about the inspiration for American Koko, the similarities between Kilpatrick and her hilarious heroine, Akosua Millard (code name Koko), and why a comedy about tackling the hairiest of racial incidents is necessary now more than ever.

American Koko

MadameNoire: What inspired you to create American Koko? It’s hilarious by the way!

Diarra Kilpatrick: Thank you and I’m a big fan of your site by the way. I was watching a lot of shows like Scandal and Law & Order, and I thought it would be interesting to try to solve race problems in that kind of procedural way. There was this rumor going around that we were in a post-racial America because Obama was in the White House, but I was seeing race issues festering all over the place and I wanted to peel back that layer and talk about it.

And honestly, I wanted to create art with my friends. It seemed like a good time.

When you came up with the concept for the show and decided to invest your money and time to get it online, were you hoping to get it picked up for TV, streaming or just happy to get it out there in any way possible?

No, I wasn’t trying to get picked up for TV specifically. I was just trying to find a new way to express myself and the Internet was the perfect platform because no one had to grant me permission to exist there. What’s amazing about the Internet is anyone can crash the party and it looked like fun.

How did you find out that Viola Davis was a fan and JuVee Productions was interested in taking the series to ABC?

When I first got to L.A., I did a play with Julius, Viola’s husband who now runs JuVee. So I had their email and I sent them the web series in a group email with a bagillion other people I had met on my grind in L.A. Julius and Viola were honestly the last people I expected to hear from. I hadn’t seen them in a while. But Julius was the first person to call me. We had less than 100 views and he said, “We love this and we want to help you make more.” It was extremely validating because after I pressed that publish button on YouTube, I was a little nervous. I felt like I had had a baby and then let him wander out the front door. It was a very vulnerable time. So to get that validation from them so quickly was really nice.

Why is a series like American Koko, that you brought to life years ago, even more of a necessity in times like this (aka, Trump times)? And why is it so necessary to tell these stories through comedy?

We have a race problem in this country, flat-out. We always have, but I think Donald Trump woke a lot of people up to how bad it is. Bigots got mad bold after he won. Hijabs were getting ripped off. People of color were verbally and physically assaulted. It was crazy. But at least we’re all aware that this generation still has work to do. We can’t bury our heads in the sand.

In life, when people get uncomfortable they laugh or they chuckle to themselves anyway. So, I think when talking about issues on the third rail it’s great to lean into that. Plus, I wanted to keep it entertaining. I think short-form series need a little comedy to allow people to sink into the story faster.

How similar are you to the very blunt, let’s-keep-it-real Akosua?

[Laughs] There’s some similarities. My mom always told me she was very close to naming me Akosua, so she’s definitely an alter ego. But I’m definitely more shy than her and I hope more tactful. But to be honest, I put a lot of myself in all of the characters that I write. There’s a character in Season 2 who murdered someone. A loathsome character, right? And I thought, okay, what similarities do I have with this guy? How can I make this character human to me? Once I came to the fact that this guy loves Eddie Murphy just as much as me, I found a way into writing him. I try not to write any of my characters from afar.

What has it been like to have Viola’s guidance and support?

It means a lot. She’s in my top tier of queens! It’s Oprah, Michelle, Beyoncé, Shonda and Viola. So it’s pretty exciting that she’s been so good to me. She called me “the next big thing” in an interview and I had to read it back like 10 times. It was actually a little disorienting to have someone I have so much respect for talk about me like that. But I’m like if Viola says it, it must be true. Let me go to the gym and eat my vegetables. She said I was the next big thing!

The post American Koko‘s Diarra Kilpatrick On Using Comedy To Tackle Race And Getting Co-Signed By Viola Davis appeared first on MadameNoire.

Stuck In A Job You Hate? Don’t Switch Jobs, Change Your Mindeset

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You’re miserable at work. It seems like drudgery to get up and go into the office every day. You’d love to quit, but right now you just can’t make that move. While your situation may seem hopeless, this is the time to stay positive and keep up your morale.

“Identify even one good thing about your job,” suggested success strategist and social media expert Carlota Zimmerman. “Is it the brand name of the company? Is it the money? Are you given a ton of responsibility, so you’re learning a great deal? Does the company pay for you to get a grad degree at night? Identify at least one tangible perk, and go to town on it.

“If, for example, pretty much all you can say is that your commute is great, how about using that easy time to learn a foreign language on YouTube, or ride your bike to work? In six months when you’re speaking beginning Chinese, or 25 pounds lighter—or both—it’s likely that your newfound pride in your abilities will start your mojo working in other ways. It’s likely that having achieved a goal in your personal life, and feeling better about yourself, will give you the courage necessary to make long-lasting professional changes.”

One of the most important ways to keep your morale up in what you consider to be a dead-end job is to not give up on it. “Giving up only leads to more giving up, and when you give up on yourself…why should anyone else go the extra mile? Make a decision to not spend the day bitching about your job, and instead, in the morning write out a list of even three significant tasks you will complete this day. Keep yourself busy and focused. Challenge yourself,” noted Zimmerman. “If you’re feeling stuck at work, hate to say it, but responsibility for your career lies with you. So what are some next-level assignments you could take on that would get the boss’ positive attention? Resolve to do one today.”

Instead of spending so much time mulling over what’s wrong with your job, now is it a good time for self-evaluation,” explained executive coach Lori Scherwin, founder of Strategize That. “When you decide you want to change or are unhappy with a situation, often times it starts with evaluating yourself, what changes you can make in your environment, and how you view the world. It’s possible to see things differently with a new perspective, and often you’ll do a 180 and experience a positive shift in your life.”

A support group can do wonders for your mental health as well. “Surround yourself with positive people,” added Scherwin. “Remove the negativity in your life. There’s a common saying that ‘you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.’ If those people are negative, chances are it’s rubbing off on you. Be around people you aspire to be. It will help you get where you want to be and give you more confidence in the form of support from others.”
It’s also important not to consume yourself with work that doesn’t satisfy you. Spend time working on other aspects of your life instead. “Have personal plans to look forward to. Make a date with family, friends or even with yourself! Schedule something fun and put it on the calendar. Knowing ‘me-time’ is coming soon will help pass the time and get you through the day,” offered Scherwin. “Make a daily gratitude list by writing down 10 things you are grateful for in your life. Anything from your family, legs to walk on or reality TV. Focusing on what is good in your life as opposed to what is “going wrong with your job” helps relieve anxiety around work.”

Lastly, don’t think you can’t change jobs–even if it takes some time. “Make a plan,” said leadership trainer and professional coach Wayne Smalls, president of L. Wayne Smalls & Associates, LLC. “When you decide you want to quit your job, or end a relationship, or try that new skill – make sure you have a plan to get there. It’s one of the most important elements to help you get started on progress and keep you motivated. That said, it’s critically important to know what you want–and what you don’t want–to successfully avoid putting yourself in a situation similar to the one you are currently facing. Get specific – what does an ideal job look like to you? Vision it out, write it down, and go and make it happen.”

The post Stuck In A Job You Hate? Don’t Switch Jobs, Change Your Mindeset appeared first on MadameNoire.

Work! Black Celebrity (Not So Little) Kids Who Model

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When you think about celebrity kids who model, the only names that come up seem to be the Kendall Jenners, Bella and Gigi Hadids, Lily Rose-Depps and Hailey Baldwins of the world. But there are plenty of celebrity offspring of color who are taking advantage of the opportunity to make their mark on the fashion world. [caption id="attachment_834240" align="aligncenter" width="1068"]celebrity kids who model Getty[/caption] Whether appearing in major fashion label and fashion house ads or walking the runways for some big names, these young stars are turning heads and making a name for themselves. Check out these Black celebrity kids who have made waves in the fashion industry over the years. https://www.instagram.com/p/BVS89z0ASKA/?taken-by=corinnefoxx&hl=en

Corinne Foxx

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVSpaDXgfjU/?taken-by=corinnefoxx&hl=en https://www.instagram.com/p/BG7Nv5OlcCC/?tagged=aokileesimmons&hl=en

Ming and Aoki Lee Simmons

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPVjqNBgZvR/?taken-by=diggysimmons&hl=en

Diggy Simmons

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVgT7EXFiNc/?taken-by=cbroadus&hl=en

Cordell Broadus

https://www.instagram.com/p/BQWO-fBAYDk/?taken-by=selahmarley

Selah Marley

https://www.instagram.com/p/BHK04Wbj2ei/

Willow Smith

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNPr3_0h9vO/?hl=en

Sofia Richie

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVioKh9Dhm-/?taken-by=kingcombs&hl=en

Christian Combs

https://www.instagram.com/p/BKBCaRUDCd1/

Zoe Kravitz

https://www.instagram.com/p/BQgDOH4l3v8/?taken-by=kairo.whitfield&hl=en

Cairo Whitfield

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPXJkajAJoj/?tagged=egyptdean

Egypt Dean

The post Work! Black Celebrity (Not So Little) Kids Who Model appeared first on MadameNoire.


Leslie Jones Talks Hosting The BET Awards And Why You Can’t Tell Her What To Do On Stage

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Credit: Getty/NBC

In today’s somewhat overly sensitive politically correct culture, a lot of the fun has been taken out of comedy. What would’ve had audiences holding their bellies with tears of laughter streaming down their faces 10 or 15 years ago could get a comedian fired, shunned, or at the very least taunted in their social media mentions today. But that doesn’t concern Leslie Jones.

We got a chance to chat with the comedian who is slated to host the BET Awards this coming Sunday and when I asked whether any subjects are off limits for her, she essentially said absolutely not.

“You can’t tell a comic what type of material to do, especially if they’re doing it from their life or their life experiences,” the 49-year-old Saturday Night Life (SNL) star told us. “For someone to tell me what type of sense of humor I’m supposed to have, that’s like you’re invading on my rights. I wouldn’t tell you would to laugh at, I wouldn’t tell anyone else what to laugh at, so you definitely can’t tell me what kind of jokes to do, especially as it pertains to my life, ‘cuz I’m gone make it funny, you know what I’m saying?”

Being funny is Jones’ number one goal for her upcoming hosting gig. While she was mum on specific details of this year’s show and her own routine– other than letting it slip that there will be a special tribute to New Edition — Jones said all she really wants to do is make people laugh. And as far as that myth that women comics can’t hold their own? She has no time for it.

“I don’t listen to that stuff because either way it goes, I dispel it every time.”

Since being added as a writer for SNL in January 2014 and being promoted to cast member by October of that same year, it seems the only place for Jones’ career to go is up. Last year she starred in the Ghostbusters reboot and was flown to Rio de Janeiro by NBC to join their team of commentators covering the Olympic games. Now she’s making her hosting debut on the same network where her career got its foothold, having appeared on BET’s Comic View more than 20 years ago, and has her sights set on doing her own stand-up special. Asked what she would tell her younger self now that her comedic dreams are coming true, the answer is simple.

 

“I would tell myself keep going. Don’t stop; don’t change anything. Don’t quit.”

Tune into the BET Awards Sunday, June 25 at 8pm on BET.

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Funny Attempts We’ve All Made To Get Him In The Mood

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[caption id="attachment_834360" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/A smiling young African American woman sitting in red lingerie in a pink
armchair in high heels isolated for white background.[/caption] Men have a reputation for always trying to get laid, always being on the hunt, constantly trying to get in women’s pants…you get the idea. And maybe for single men, this is true because, well, they’ve been mostly helping themselves at home with some adult film sites and a bottle of lubricant. But men in relationships can become a little lazy about the hunt. Once men have sex available to them most of the time, they end up rarely wanting it. Women in long-term committed relationships can attest to this. In fact, many women in long-term relationships find that the further they get into their relationship, the more they are the ones who want to get it on—and not their partners. So, to the long-term relationship warriors out there, here are hilarious attempts we’ve all made to get him in the mood. [caption id="attachment_607703" align="alignleft" width="513"] Corbis[/caption]

Talking about your fantasy

You try to tell him about your fantasy of being a school girl and doing it in the library with a naughty librarian. Of course, your long-term boyfriend gets caught up in the logistics of the story, talking about how library aisles are too small these days and books smell funny. GAH! He doesn’t get caught up in the plot holes of his XXX-rated films, but your sexual fantasy—that he can’t grasp. [caption id="attachment_700366" align="alignleft" width="468"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Walking around naked

You conveniently haven’t had a second to throw on a robe and have been bending over, vacuuming naked, washing dishes in the buff while your breasts jiggle around and curling up on him in the couch wearing nothing at all. But Mr. Dense hands you a robe to be helpful and suggests you might freak out the neighbors.         [caption id="attachment_694369" align="alignleft" width="422"] Corbis Images[/caption]

Sexting

You: “Guess what I’m wearing?” Him: “Probably one of your pant suits because you’re at work.” You: “That little red thong.” Him: “Won’t it show through your pantsuit? You’re wearing a white pantsuit today aren’t you?” You: “Never mind.”           [caption id="attachment_612408" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Trying on lingerie

Once you’ve been with a man for a while, he somehow forgets that when you buy lingerie it’s for him. So when you wander into the room in your new little negligee and ask what he thinks of it, he says, “Looks nice. Might be a little itchy to sleep in. What happened to your regular pajamas?”         [caption id="attachment_821874" align="alignleft" width="900"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Showing off our wax job

Sometimes you get so obvious as to ask him to touch the impeccable waxing job your waxist did on your…everything. And he’s impressed. But he doesn’t take the hint. He may even say something like, “But why did you pay for all that right now? We’re not going anywhere where we need bathing suits for a while.”

Playing a raunchy movie

You may even go so far as to keep “50 Shades of Grey” and “Nymphomaniac” playing on the TV, on loop, all day. You hope that the sounds of other people having sex will get your partner in the mood. But he asks you to turn the volume down because he’s reading.         [caption id="attachment_615357" align="alignleft" width="402"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Sitting on his lap and wiggling around

While your partner is working, you sit directly on his lap and start wiggling around. Then he starts adjusting, craning his neck around you to see the computer screen, and pulling up a chair for you to sit in by yourself. Right. Because that was the point—having a chair. [caption id="attachment_623396" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Hopping in the shower with him

You try sudsing your man up with soap, but he just starts complaining that that isn’t the soap he uses—he has a prescription one for his chest acne. Also, he wants you two to take turns under the water so he can get a good rinse. You just end up standing outside the water, shivering and angry.       [caption id="attachment_620621" align="alignleft" width="425"] Corbis[/caption]

Waking him up with oral

The longer you’re with a guy, the more he values sleep over sex. He may not even wake up if you try to give him oral. If he does, he might just tell you he wants to go back to sleep.                 [caption id="attachment_710677" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Purchasing a new, fun lube

So you try purchasing a new, fun lube. Maybe it glows in the dark and is edible. You tell your partner all about it, hoping to get him in the mood. But you come home to find he has used it to moisturize his dry feet. That stuff cost $20 for a tiny bottle!             [caption id="attachment_693332" align="alignleft" width="418"] Corbis Images[/caption]

Walking down sex memory lane

Maybe reminiscing on the good old days when you had sex three times a day will get him in the mood. So you start talking about the time you did it in the bathroom of that club or the quickie you had while your parents were about to arrive—the danger of getting caught exciting you both. But somehow, your partner walks down a different memory lane and starts talking about how great the food was at the Italian restaurant you went to with your parents. And, can you get the recipe for that lasagna? Ugh. That is not the lasagna you were hoping he’d eat.         [caption id="attachment_821526" align="alignleft" width="900"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Complimenting him to death

You’re so hot. You’re so sexy. Your muscles are bulging. I seriously don’t know how God made someone as perfect as you. You should be on the cover of GQ. Oh, I’m interrupting your work? So sorry. How rude of me to compliment you. I was just doing it for my own health over here. [caption id="attachment_828018" align="alignleft" width="420"] Bigstockphoto.com/Oysters on crushed ice with oyster knife, old silver fork and lemon fruit on a porcelain plate on slate.[/caption]

Making an aphrodisiac meal

You make your man a delicious aphrodisiac meal, full of the classics like oysters, chili peppers and chocolate covered strawberries. He makes himself a plate…and plops down on the floor in front of the TV. Oh, and he reminds you to blow out the candles—they’re dangerous.               [caption id="attachment_619395" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

“Looking” for something in his pocket

The old trying to find something in his pocket trick. Except it doesn’t work when he just gets it for you and says, “Here it is!” Great. Because you really wanted that pack of gum. Yes, that’s what you were craving.               [caption id="attachment_616201" align="alignleft" width="451"] Corbis[/caption]

Making him a little jealous

Sometimes, a little sense of competition can get a man in the mood. But not necessarily for a man you’ve been with for five years. Telling him about all the shameless flirting your coworker does with you might just make your partner say, “Well, that’s inappropriate. You should tell him to stop.”

The post Funny Attempts We’ve All Made To Get Him In The Mood appeared first on MadameNoire.

Unspoken: Can You Trust Your Friend With Your Business?

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By Patricia Elie

During my teenage years, I remember my girlfriend’s father sitting us down and telling us that we should value our friendship because in life, we are lucky if we have one good friend. We responded with “Only one friend?” We couldn’t wrap our heads around why her father would think it was acceptable to have only one friend. That would mean we would only have one person to hang out with, one friend to shop with, and one person to share our secrets with.

As I got older though, it made more sense.

trust friendship

In high school, your existence revolved around your friends and how many of them you had. It was all a numbers game. Starting around that time, I reflected on my girlfriend’s wise father and began to realize that he was absolutely right. If you can get one truly good and loyal friend, you’re lucky. Trustworthiness is one of the most important qualities of a friendship. So a friend who thinks it’s okay to repeat any information you have shared with them to a third (fourth and fifth) party may inevitably destroy a valuable relationship.

Imagine that you told your girlfriend that you just lost your job. During the conversation, you explain to her that you do not know how you are going to pay your bills and ask that she keep the conversation about your circumstances between the two of you. But soon after you confide in her, you find out that she repeated the details of the conversation to a mutual friend in the hopes that this friend can lend you a helping hand. She meant well, right?

Or say that you’re going through a bitter divorce and you haven’t told anyone but family. Your friend confronts you and states that you are acting differently and wants to make sure everything is okay. You tell her about your circumstances and ask her not to tell others. Coincidentally, your girlfriend bumps into your estranged husband later. She tells him that she is very sorry to hear that your relationship is on the outs and encourages him to reconcile the marriage. She also meant well, right?

Well, I don’t know about you, but in both instances, I would be upset.

When a friend trusts you enough to share a private matter, they share it under the assumption that you will not repeat it, regardless of the blabbermouth’s intentions. If your friend wanted the world to know their business, they would share the news on their own. As a friend, it’s important to always exercise discretion when even thinking about repeating information given to you by someone who confides in you. I always put myself in my friends’ shoes and ask myself how I would feel if I was in their predicament. If I know I would be annoyed, upset or angry, then I keep my lips sealed.

We lean on our girlfriends in the hopes that they can be a listening ear. We allow ourselves to be completely vulnerable, hoping that they are listening with a nonjudgmental ear. We know that our girls have our backs through thick and thin and that the things we tell them, we share in confidence. As my friend’s father said, in life, we are lucky to have one good friend, so why damage that bond by talking about your girlfriend’s personal matters with others?

Check out the newest episode of Unspoken today and share your thoughts on this topic.

Patricia Elie is the creator and writer of “Unspoken Web Series,” a dramedy about five fabulously single life-long girlfriends from college who seem to break all the rules of friendship. Subscribe and Watch “Unspoken Web Series.”

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Jesse Williams And Estranged Wife Aryn Drake-Lee In The Midst Of Custody Battle

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Jesse Williams wife

Image via WENN

None of us can really know what’s going on with two people as their relationship ends. Lord knows we don’t have any information when it comes to Jesse Williams and the separation from his wife Aryn Drake-Lee. After all, the two played it very close to the vest. We never knew what was going on in their marriage; and now, nothing about their divorce.

But according to the latest headlines, the two are involved in an embroiled child custody battle.

According to US Weekly, Williams and his wife are both fighting for joint physical custody of their two children, daughter Sadie and son Maceo.

US Weekly reports that in legal documents, Williams writes:

“Aryn restricts my time with the children and decides when, and for how long I may have them,” Williams claims in the legal papers. “She has rejected, without any reason, each and every request I have made to have the children sleepover at my residence. On the few days that I have the children, Aryn has insisted that my time with the children be limited during the week to approximately two-and-a-half hours per day, despite my requests for more time, including overnights with the children.”

In response to his claims Aryn’s lawyer Jill Hersh responded in a statement to US Weekly.

“Protecting the privacy and well-being of their children is of paramount importance to Aryn Drake-Lee Williams. It is unfortunate that Mr. Williams has chosen to draw public attention to this difficult time and transition for their family. Aryn is solely interested in the best interests of their children, supporting a healthy relationship with both parents, and protecting the children’s privacy. Therefore, she will not comment any further on Mr. Williams’ unilateral and unfortunate public allegations.”

Hopefully, they’ll be able to move forward civilly.

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How Tracee Ellis Ross Finally Said “F-ck That” To Her “Contentious Relationship” With Her Body

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Most of us look at Tracee Ellis Ross’ figure and think #Goals, but for a long time the actress didn’t think so highly of her physical features.

“I’ve always had a somewhat contentious relationship with my body,” she revealed to Redbook magazine. “I spent years trying to teach myself to smile in a way that made my top lip look smaller. A lot of that has to do with sexism and racism combined with the ever-changing tides of the culture of beauty. One minute, you’re supposed to be really skinny — the next minute, you’re supposed to have huge boobs. One minute you’re supposed to have no lips, the next they’re supposed to be full. No one can keep up! I finally got to a place where I was like, excuse my French, “F-ck that. That’s not fair.” So I got to then choose for myself what makes me feel empowered.”

Ross is the cover subject for Redbook’s July issue and in the feature story she talks about more than getting over her issues with her body but also her hair and even people who try to steal her joy. Funny enough, the 44 year old’s middle name is actually Joy — quite fitting, right?

“When I professionally changed my middle name to Ellis, my father’s middle name, my mom said to me, ‘I’m sad that you let go of Joy, but it’s OK because you’ve embodied it.”

She further told the mag, “I’ve always sort of cultivated joy, found a way to laugh at life, and that has amplified into a sense of self-care that’s also about finding serenity and peace with myself.”

It’s for that reason that, try as they may, Debbie Downers can’t really take what’s inside the comedic star, Ross explained. “There are joy stealers everywhere! Honestly, a lot of people don’t do it on purpose. Joy makes them uncomfortable. So I do my best not to take it personally. I will literally imagine myself moving out of the way and letting their stuff just pass me by.”

And if you happen to be stealing your own joy by being afraid to take healthy risks in life, Ross has some advice for you too.

“You don’t have to jump off the 31st floor of the building. Take the stairs, go at your pace, but push yourself a little bit.”

Check out the rest of her feature on Redbookmag.com.

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“The Body Achieves What The Mind Believes”: Quotes To Keep You Motivated On Your Fitness Journey

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If fitness journeys weren't difficult, they would have a different name. But in reality, they are mental and physical trips we take on our own to not only change our bodies, but the ways we see them and the food we put in them. But with all journeys, change doesn't come overnight, and I think that's what causes so many people to get frustrated. When you want quick results and you don't see them, you think you're wasting your time. However, my thought is that in the time we actually waste carrying on the same bad habits and watching our bodies and health fall apart, we could be using that same time to make positive changes. With that being said, here are a few quotes to keep you going when the fitness journey gets tough -- because it will. [caption id="attachment_831329" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstock[/caption] "Fitness is not about being better than someone else...it's about being better than you used to be." - unknown [caption id="attachment_824442" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstock[/caption] "The difference between your body this week and next weeks is what you do for the next seven days to achieve your goals." - unknown [caption id="attachment_834249" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstock[/caption] "Time and health are two precious assets that we don't recognize and appreciate until they have been depleted." - Denis Waitley [caption id="attachment_834252" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstock[/caption] "It's not about having time, it's about making time." - unknown [caption id="attachment_831026" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstock[/caption] "I don't diet. I just eat according to my goals." - unknown [caption id="attachment_831419" align="aligncenter" width="1068"]weight room, strength training, weight training Bigstock[/caption] "The body achieves what the mind believes." - unknown [caption id="attachment_834250" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstock[/caption] "Don't wait until you've reached your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take toward reaching that goal." - unknown [caption id="attachment_834251" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstock[/caption] "I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don't." - Neila Rey [caption id="attachment_834253" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstock[/caption] "The purpose of training is to tighten up the slack, toughen the body, and polish the spirit." - Morihei Ueshiba [caption id="attachment_834254" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstock[/caption] "If you are persistent, you will get it. If you are consistent, you will keep it." - unknown

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Xosha Roquemore And Lakeith Stanfield Have Welcomed Their First Baby

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Credit: Getty

Baby Stanfield is here!

It wasn’t until March that we found out Xosha Roquemore And Lakeith Stanfield were expecting a baby and now their little one has arrived.

Xosha, 32, spilled the beans, accidentally it seems, when she reportedly tweeted a photo of her nursing a newborn baby with the caption “Mom.” Though the picture was subsequently deleted, yesterday we spotted a newborn baby in an IG photo Xosha posted of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie‘s latest book, Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions.

Instagram Photo

On top of that proof, tweets from 25-year-old Lakeith suggest the baby boy or girl was possibly born mid-month, with him noting a “new chapter” in his life and possibly alluding to the wonders of child birth.

Xosha regularly showed off her baby bump on IG while she was expecting so we figure it’s only a matter of time before we get to see this little one’s face. Congrats to the couple!

Instagram Photo

Instagram Photo

Instagram Photo

Instagram Photo

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Working While Black: I Was Fired Over A Ghirardelli Chocolate

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Image via BigStockPhoto

After my unemployment ended, I accepted a job through a temp agency to supplement income while I freelanced. The job was at the Pure Group, a digital and advertising company located Midtown-East by Central Park. Initially, I was apprehensive to temp there because their Glassdoor rating and reviews are side-eye worthy and questionable.

When started I was trained by another temp who also worked in the media industry. She found a new job at Hugo Boss and declined the Pure Group’s permanent job offer. After she left Pure Group, I managed the receptionist duties and sample outreach because they have an organic snack brand and sunscreen brand. Everything was going fine. No one bothered me but eventually, that changed.

Pure Group used to share their office space with another company who recently found their own space. To say thank you, the other company held a happy hour in Pure Group’s kitchen. They bought red wine, chips, dip and Ghirardelli Chocolates. Although I didn’t stay for the happy hour, I saw my supervisor and other staff members take part in the activities (i.e. eating the chocolate, chips, and dip). On Monday, the CEO of Pure Group came to the office and saw the Ghirardelli Chocolate on the kitchen counter top. He spoke to my supervisor who lied and told him I ordered the chocolate.

Afterward, my supervisor sent me an email stating that she would have to look over my Fresh Direct food orders when I order groceries for the company. Although I didn’t understand why she lied and felt the need to micromanage me, I replied “thank you for the update,” and also proceeded to refresh her memory regarding who brought the chocolate on the premises and remind her she was in attendance at the happy hour. Also, I didn’t work a full work week to order new groceries for the company so it would be impossible for me to order candy.

She never responded to my email but of course like every other passive aggressive White woman her behavior became cold towards me. Prior to this incident, no one told me that candy that is not under the Mars brand could not be on the premises. Which is understandable. But the principal of the matter is, my supervisor shouldn’t have lied on me.

After this incident, if I needed help around the office (since I was new) she would not help me. After working there for two weeks,  she told me this past Monday, that she hired someone last week Friday,  permanently, and it would be my last day.  I wrote two emails to the temp agency regarding her unprofessionalism, their lack of communication  and the trivial behavior I was exposed to. My mom told me to keep the peace but I feel as though when you work as a temp or receptionist, people don’t think you have adequate work experience prior to being placed in such a position, so, they feel like they can treat you any type of way.

I wanted to share my story because I feel as though many Black employees or even grads believe if they “keep the peace” they won’t upset people who clearly don’t have their best interest at heart and lack integrity.

The post Working While Black: I Was Fired Over A Ghirardelli Chocolate appeared first on MadameNoire.

An Expert Breaks Down Hormonal Imbalance And What You Can Do About It

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I never realized how much of an impact hormonal imbalance can have on everyday women who are dealing with menopause, pregnancy, menstrual cycles or just taking medication until I had a talk with a friend about how much our periods suck. I griped about the fact that I get angry, break out and bloat heavily (with a desire to eat everything in sight), but her situation was much more alarming. While she made it clear that she had no desire to harm herself, she admitted that a wave of depression usually takes over during that time of the month. She, at times, feels like she doesn’t have the will to live, and birth control seemed to just make things worse.

What the hell was I complaining about?

hormonal imbalance

With such major highs and lows in mind, I sought clarity from Dr. Erika Schwartz about what’s really going on with our hormones. She is the author of the new wellness book, The New Hormone Solution, as well as the founder and medical director of Evolved Science in New York. We talked to her about the causes of hormone imbalance, the impact it has on us and the best way to deal with it.

MadameNoire: What advice do you have for women seeking to deal with their hormones outside of using birth control?

Dr. Erika Schwartz: I’m not a fan of birth control pills because they suppress natural hormone production and leave women with menopausal hormone levels at age 18. I help women balance their hormones naturally with bioidentical/human identical hormones, diet, exercise, lifestyle changes and supplements.

What causes hormone imbalance?

Life. Whether it’s PMS and acne as a teen, postpartum depression as a 20-something, weight gain in the 30s and beyond, loss of sex drive and then menopause, these are all issues caused by hormone changes. The changes occur naturally as a consequence of aging, stress, environmental factors, sleep deprivation, poor diet, lack of or over exercising — pretty much everything.

What are the symptoms of hormone imbalance that we should be aware of?

Acne, headaches, PMS, postpartum depression, anxiety, palpitations, night sweats, insomnia, hot flashes, skin rashes, itching and new onset allergies. Also loss of sex drive, weight gain or loss, irritability, depression, food cravings, recurrent urinary tract infections and joint pains, just to name the most obvious.

Why does hormonal imbalance lead to “devastating conditions” like infertility, postpartum depression, insomnia, etc.?

Left untreated, these symptoms of hormone imbalance over time will lead to chronic illnesses affecting quality of life initially and ultimately quality of life.

Is it true that chronic stress can lead to hormonal imbalance?

Acute and chronic stress do cause hormone imbalance, yes.

So how do things change as we get older and what can we do about it?

With less hormone reserve and less ability to make the correct hormones at the needed time, with age, we experience more symptoms all at once. That includes hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, weight gain, fatigue, loss of libido, flabby skin, anxiety, depression, etc. We also develop chronic illnesses if we don’t address the hormone imbalances, supplement the hormones, change our diets, improve exercise routines, sleep 7-8 hours a night, deal with stress, and take the proper supplements. If we do, then the aging process treats us better.

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How To Get Your Partner Into Meditation

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[caption id="attachment_834429" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Relaxed handsome african young man sitting and meditating on office chair[/caption] It can be hard to get men into holistic practices. Who are we kidding—it can be hard to get them to keep up with their modern medicine appointments like checkups and teeth cleanings. If you’re just barely winning that battle with your significant other, then you probably get a blank stare or a role of the eyes when you bring up things like acupuncture, Chinese herbs and—ah yes—meditation. But if you are an avid meditator then you know how amazing the benefits are. How could you not want your partner to experience those? If you really love your SO, then you don’t care if you have to drag him into the room, kicking and screaming; you’re getting him into meditation. Here are ways to get your partner into meditation. [caption id="attachment_700427" align="alignleft" width="420"]Oprah Winfrey WENN[/caption]

Tell him about the pros who do it

LeBron James, Oprah, Arianna Huffington, Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Steve Jobs and Deepak Chopra are all meditators, to name a few. You can probably list ten people your partner looks up to who meditate and who accredit meditation for their success.             [caption id="attachment_615357" align="alignleft" width="402"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Remind him it’ll be good for his career

Meditation helps you become very clear on what your next career steps should be, what you want out of your career, and how to believe in your ability to achieve those things. If your partner has been banging his head against the wall in his work life, suggest he try meditation for just ten minutes.           [caption id="attachment_700140" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Start it as a bedtime routine

If your partner suffers from insomnia, you could first introduce meditation as a bedtime routine. Pitch it as a simple relaxation breathing exercise that can lull him to sleep. He’ll discover the other benefits that come with it on his own.             [caption id="attachment_614693" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Bring up his blood pressure

If your partner has high blood pressure and comes from a family with a history of heart disease, notify him that meditation can reduce blood pressure in some individuals. So maybe he doesn’t need to cut back on some of his other vices quite as much if he picks up meditation.       [caption id="attachment_717909" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

It’s cheaper than alcohol or massages

Tell him meditation leaves you feeling as relaxed (if not more relaxed) than a cocktail or a massage does and it’s free. If your partner loves to pinch pennies and hates to spend money on recreational activities, go with the financial pitch.             [caption id="attachment_620403" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Ease him into the music and the crystals

You may burn sage, hold crystals and play special meditation music when you meditate, but you’re going to have to ease your partner into those things. Just create a tidy, clean space for him and spray a little cleansing spray before he lies down.       [caption id="attachment_824800" align="alignleft" width="420"] Bigstockphoto.com/High Angle View Of Young African Female Janitor Cleaning Hardwood Floor With Vacuum Cleaner[/caption]

Promise him a reward

Promise your partner that if he doesn’t feel better after meditating that you will do his apartment chores for the week. He and you will know, based on the undeniable zen smile on his face and relaxed breathing, that the meditation worked. He won’t even want to lie and say it didn’t to get his reward—people become very honest after meditating.             [caption id="attachment_702823" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

The first time, he’ll need to be calm

Even though your partner needs meditation more than ever when he’s stressed out, know that that’s the last time he’ll be willing try it for the first time. When your partner is stressed out, he is still in the mindset of “Need to do more, need to rush around.” Get him into meditation when he is relaxed; he’ll learn to do it when he’s stressed out on his own.             [caption id="attachment_714075" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Try some guided recordings

Your partner may need a little guidance, but he could feel too insecure to have you guide him through the meditation. Find a few guided meditation recordings for him. You may want to ask the male meditators you already know what they listen to (in other words, what won’t be too out there for your partner).             [caption id="attachment_612727" align="alignleft" width="420"] Corbis Images[/caption]

Show him the studies

Men like to see the numbers! They want hard facts. They want studies. Well, the studies are out there about how meditation helps with depression, chronic pain, anxiety, insomnia and more. Send your partner the studies.               [caption id="attachment_701345" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Let him see you when you’re done

Meditate when your partner is home so he can see how clearly relaxed and happy you are after it. You can’t quite convince your partner what good meditation does for you if he’s never around to see it.               [caption id="attachment_712126" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Tell him it could improve your sex life

Because meditation helps us be fully present in our bodies, aware of and grateful for every sensation, it can make sex so much better. Consider mentioning that to your partner.               [caption id="attachment_712175" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Set aside time for it

If your partner still has the ironic belief that he is too stressed out to meditate then you certainly can’t get him into it when he’s busy. Find a day you know he’ll be free and relaxed—this could even be on vacation—and schedule meditation. If he knows he has nothing else to do at that time, he’ll be more prone to get into it.             [caption id="attachment_607642" align="alignleft" width="420"] Corbis[/caption]

It can help break bad habits

Does your partner need to quit smoking? Cut back on drinking? Wean himself off of fast food? Ease up on watching adult films? Meditation can help a lot. If he’s at the point where he’s willing to try anything to break a destructive habit, that could be your time to make your move.               [caption id="attachment_697511" align="alignleft" width="468"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Put all his favorite things in the space

Create a space full of things that have positive associations for your partner. You could bring out photos of his favorite family members or memorabilia from his childhood. Holding onto things that make you happy when you meditate can help you get into it.

The post How To Get Your Partner Into Meditation appeared first on MadameNoire.

Omari Hardwick Talks Being A Renaissance Man And Praying Away Our People’s Narrow-Mindedness

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When you hear the name Omari Hardwick what character comes to mind? Carl from For Colored Girls? Derek in Middle of Nowhere? Andre on Being Mary Jane? Ghost in Power? None of these characters or the host of others Hardwick has come to be known for is like the other, which speaks to the actor, producer, and poet’s position as a self-described renaissance man. A multi-faceted talent who isn’t threatened by the presence or fame of his fellow thespians, but a man who is eager to help others sharpen their claws rather than remain crabs in a barrel.

One such way Hardwick does that is through his partnership with Gentleman Jack, the creators of the Real to Reel short film contest offering young African-American filmmakers the opportunity to have their work viewed and judged by an exclusive group of industry insiders, not to mention compete to win $10,000.

“For the last 15 or 20 years of my life, the biggest thing I’ve done is always, whether broke or not, I’ve always been involved in giving back to young people, young African-American people of both genders, so this seemed like a natural partnership,” Hardwick told us of his work with Gentleman Jack. It doesn’t hurt that he’s a whiskey drinker either. Or that he’s always had a giving heart.

That desire to give back comes from having received so much as a child, specifically from the men who were in his life during his formative years and who shaped him into the individual he is today.

“I was never on the recipient end of what those kids are getting but I always was on the recipient end. Not from coming from a broken home, but having a father who was extremely present in my life, with the tough love that a father provides, and I was also involved in sports,” he shared. “I was at a ballpark as much as I was in school. I was on a basketball court or football field as much as I was in school so I definitely was receiving mentorship when it came to coaches, my father, my grandfather and my uncles.”

In the same way you can’t separate Hardwick from his many roles, it’s nearly impossible to celebrate the success of his biggest show yet from the recent groundswell of other hit series with African-American showrunners, directors, producers, and leads. There’s an excitement around Power that’s deeper than good acting and sexy storylines. It’s the fact that Courtney Kemp Agboh, a Black woman, created it and Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson is executive producer. It represents opportunity and garners enthusiasm from audiences and fellow content creators. But as for being in the industry and seeing what many from the outside perceive as a shift toward diversity and inclusion up close, Hardwick still thinks “we have a long way to go.”

Saying that, he admitted, has “become so cliché at this point, it’s almost corny,” but that doesn’t make it untrue.

“The reality is for every hand that you think gave me heaven on a silver platter, that hand is connected to somebody who doesn’t look like me, who, literally, has every silver platter within heaven as we speak. So we are fooling ourselves if we ever forget that we are brown-skinned in a very racist society that I actually think in many ways is more racist than it’s ever been.”

But while the entertainment industry’s doors may not be as open as we’d like them to be, the crack is widening, and that’s good news for everyone.

“I’ll say what’s great is you have brown people within the same industry that carry my same attitude and same moxie and same humility and same expertise,” he added. “Craft is everything. These young generations are forgetting craft but craft is what gets you in the door and can allow you to stay around the table for a while.

“We are gaining a quantity of people who are black and brown and red and yellow. I would say we are doing ourselves a big service by championing opportunities of quality and people are forced to go, ‘okay what’s happening?’ When the quantity can increase the quality can increase. People are fond of that crabs in a barrel mentality and I’m like, ‘No, there needs to be more so we can create more barrels; there doesn’t need to be one barrel.'”

But while content creators are busy trying to break down walls on the inside, audiences have to do their part on the outside as well, Hardwick said. Last month, the actor had a strong response for fans who reacted negatively when he posted the photo below after a day on set for a new role. The general sentiment from some followers was,”I only care about Ghost, not Omari.”

Instagram Photo

When asked about the incident, Hardwick responded with the same passion as he did a month ago.

“Our people are often extremely narrow-minded. We’re behind the 8 ball when we try to do this thing called life. We’re in the runner’s stance when the gun goes off and everyone else is taking off running. Is some of that our fault? Absolutely. Is some of it not related to us and are we guilty for being in the starting block when the gun has already gone off? No, the blame can’t solely lay with us but we have a lot to do with that. And we continuously perpetuate that same thought when we go, ‘the starting block and the ending block for me, homie, is watching you as Ghost.’ It’s very interesting because you and the like could go, ‘Well Omari is a renaissance man, actually. He’s a poet, he’s an ex-athlete, he’s an artsy-fartsy complex, really interesting cat, and he’s of our race and culture and helping us to move forward.’

“You’re doing yourself a disservice as a people when one of our able-bodies is being relegated by his own people — and obviously it’s not all of us as a people, it’s specific, narrow-minded individuals which exist in every single race — but for us, remember we’re behind the 8 ball. And that, again, is not all of our fault, but we definitely need to be blamed if we’re perpetuating it and saying ‘I’m just going to stay right here, I’m comfortable here.’ What’s comfort? Watching him on Sunday nights play this character. ‘I don’t want to see nothing else.’ That’s horrible. You can’t move the needle forward.”

That’s why when such occasions arise, Hardwick doesn’t respond to negativity simply to redeem a bruised ego. He sees those opportunities as teachable moments.

“I never got into art for Omari only. I got into it as a community service activist so it’s really a different thing for me. I’m obviously extremely brave to play a character like Ghost but in that bravery I’m also very private. Social Media in many ways is a very positive thing and in some ways it’s one of the most corrosive things we’ve ever experienced. It’s narro- mindedness and sometimes I find myself trying to teach and people think I’m being defensive and I’m like, nah, I’m just naturally a teacher. I can’t be what I’m not.”

But what he’s also not immune to is the negative effects of social media, which many don’t realize trickle over into the entertainment industry and how actors of color are perceived. If fans can’t or don’t want to see Hardwick as anything other than Ghost, what’s to make a director or producer see him as anything more than a thug on screen as well?

“I had to be taught to share on social media so now that I’m sharing its kind of counterintuitive as a fan — obviously these people aren’t really fans — but, again, you’re eliminating the opportunity for one of our leaders, artistically at least, to move the needle forward.

“It’s shooting yourself in the foot saying we’re going to keep all of ourselves in one place and then get mad at the white studio execs when they don’t put Omari, Michael B. Jordan, Cory Hardrict, or Michael Rainey Jr. in the roles we want them in. We will continuously celebrate this one specific role, but ‘I’m mad as hell, exec, that you didn’t remember Omari could’ve played this [other] role.’ It’s so stupid. It makes no sense. So it’s just narrow-mindedness and I always pray it to fade away. Pray is the operative word because I don’t think it will ever fade away.”

The post Omari Hardwick Talks Being A Renaissance Man And Praying Away Our People’s Narrow-Mindedness appeared first on MadameNoire.

Overalls And Vintage T-Shirts: The Best Of SZA’s “Girl Next Door” Style

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One thing I love almost as much as singer SZA's music is her unique sense of style. It's a blend of all kinds of laid back but chic looks, incorporating '90s pieces with tomboy aesthetics and using certain types of clothes in ways that people probably never considered. Hiking boots with shorts for a performance? Yep! Hockey jerseys with overalls? You got it. Baseball jackets with skirts and heels? Yes ma'am! [caption id="attachment_834246" align="aligncenter" width="1068"]SZA style Getty[/caption] Somehow, the 26-year-old mixes and matches all kinds of materials and looks and manages to make them appear not only cool, but also natural. She once described her style as "Girl next door chic," saying her go-to uniform includes "Dirty chucks (white or black, assorted high top and low tops) with a pair of overalls and an over-sized vintage jersey; or a super soft enzyme-washed tee with ripped denim jeans." Check out how the Ctrl singer embodies "Girl next door chic" with our favorite style moments from the star. https://www.instagram.com/p/BCT7YdJiu-Q/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/BB1IOhBiuwd/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/-c4rxeiu-M/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/9Z4LOeCu5s/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/1ga_VUCu5p/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/BK_1N4DjnTy/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/BMAwAR3jnKR/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/BMxzdeBDl2H/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/BOGehybj1yl/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/BOQ9bDNDlt2/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/BPjH57zDYEK/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/BQ84fiKj9du/?taken-by=sza https://www.instagram.com/p/BRHY394hwXQ/?taken-by=sza

The post Overalls And Vintage T-Shirts: The Best Of SZA’s “Girl Next Door” Style appeared first on MadameNoire.

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