Love it: shopping is social!

Don’t love it: shopping is private

Love it: the body is your canvas

Don’t love it: the body is a problem and clothes are the solutions

Love it: every style is an option

Don’t love it: styles are limited

Love it: positive words

Don’t love it: negative words

Love it: every store is an option

Don’t love it: stores are limited

Love it: you can buy the cheap stuff

Don’t love it: shopping is expensive

Love it: you’re addicted to shopping

Don’t love it: people have to drag you

Love it: you have too many clothes

Don’t love it: your closet could be a guest room

The post Clothes Shopping When You Love Your Body, And When You Don’t appeared first on MadameNoire.

Keke Wyatt is one of the greatest vocalists alive, if not the greatest. pic.twitter.com/YfSSWz3dNy

— J⃘O⃘C⃘K⃘ J⃘O⃘H⃘N⃘S⃘ (@BLACKHOMBRE) June 7, 2017

If Only You Knew

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

Is My Living In Vain

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

My First Love

Tell Me Something Good

I'm Going Down

What's Going On

Diamonds and Pearls

#HappySunday ❤ @keke_wyatt @travismalloy #TisSoSweet #KeKeWyatt #TravisMalloy #TeamKeKeWyatt #hunbunnation #hunbunsstandup " class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />

A post shared by Desiree Harris (@muzic_iz_my_therapy) on Jun 4, 2017 at 12:54pm PDT

Tis So Sweet To Trust in Jesus

The post 10 Times Keke Wyatt Slayed A Vocal appeared first on MadameNoire.

“And then, oh my God, he took me to Central Park, laid down a picnic blanket, and then he had ready-made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches – it was literally the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me!”

My friend was gushing about the whimsical first date she had last week. While I was all heart-eyed along with her, my guy friend was unmoved and asked her one question:

“Is he white?”

“Yeah,” she replied.

He threw his hands up and scoffed as if to say, “How did I know?” Under his breath, he then muttered, “simp.”

My guy friend, a Black man, didn’t have to spell it out for us. It was clear what he was hinting at – in his eyes, it’s more typical of a non-POC man to go through all the trouble to win over a woman’s heart. “Picnics in Central Park? Pfft, he damn sure ain’t black! I ain’t doin’ all that,” was what he was really saying.

I opened my mouth to protest, but looking back at my own dating experiences – from Irish and Italian to Nigerian and Haitian – he might be on to something. There really might be a trend of some Black men, well, “holding back” when it comes to putting their best romantic foot forward.

To be real, it seems as if they’re far more afraid of being “taken advantage of” by women. And so to alleviate that uneasiness, they play this odd game of, “Let’s see if I can get away with giving her next to nothing, but still charm her into giving me everything.”

They don’t want to be vulnerable.

More often than not, I’ve had Black men invite me into their mama’s homes, late at night when she’s sleeping, for a little “Netflix and chill” (ugh, I know the phrase is so passé, but it’s true) – and this is the first date! If I am dumb enough to accept, he’s the victor. There’s no investment on his part at all: I’d be the fool paying for the Uber to sneak inside and, if I open my legs, that’s free punani for him, too.

A W for him and an L for me – well, theoretically. I always RSVP hell no to those types of “first dates” anyway.

But the most absurd part of this is, after I “ghost” em, they swamp me with questions about why I disappeared. When I tell them the truth, they always say, “What?! But I was serious about you.” First of all, bull crap. Secondly, if it is true, what book of stupidity did you read that you thought inviting a woman to your house on a first date was appropriate?

On the other hand, in my experience, fewer (emphasis on “fewer,” not “all,” so as to not generalize) non-POC men – spoiling me with salsa dance lessons, romantic hibachi dates, and tickets to Broadway plays – have this unsound, debilitating fear of women running off saying “peace out sucker!” after milking ’em of all they’ve got.

As a woman who prefers Black men, I find that this one–upmanship mentality to be crippling AF. It’s as if Black men constantly need reassurance that they have the upper hand in terms of who is putting in the least amount effort, but getting the greatest ROI. This dynamic doesn’t bode well for any situationship.

It might just be a coincidence that, in my personal experience, most Black men I’ve encountered have an aversion to being vulnerable and romantic, but if it isn’t just happenstance, one must wonder, “Where the hell does this backwards thinking comes from?”

My friend Amy, a psychology professor whose experience with dating Black men parallels with mine, says it’s a “cultural” thing.

What does she mean by that exactly?

Is it those darned ’90s hood movies that aren’t doing any favors to the malleable young Black male mind when it comes to their perception of women and how they should be treated?

Perhaps it’s those unrealistic hip-hop music videos where the rap artists kick their feet up while video vixens follow ‘em around half-naked?

“That and,” Amy began, “society already takes so much from Black men, so perhaps, as a result, they just can’t fathom giving any more of themselves away,” which she says accounts for the romantic disparity between Black men and non-POCs.

Meh, I don’t know. I mean, I get it. All of us don’t like being vulnerable to an extent – we don’t want to get hurt and we want to protect our hearts. And, of course, there certainly are romantic Black men and non-romantic non-POCs. But I can’t help but notice a greater trend of Black men not wanting to risk it – putting their fragile hearts out on the line – in comparison to non-POCs.

Have you guys noticed it, too?

The post Is it Just Me, Or Are Black Men Less Romantic When It Comes To Dating? appeared first on MadameNoire.

Yesterday was Father’s Day and that meant a few common themes were trending on social media: posts that celebrate fathers who are living or deceased, posts from single moms wishing themselves a happy holiday, and posts from those who prefer single moms have a seat and leave the celebration to the men simply because they are not males.

I have a problem with the latter because they usually look something like this:

If a woman has been taking care of a child, or children, all by herself then why can’t she take credit for this on any day of the year she chooses? Moreover, why does this bother the general public so much? The most common argument I have seen on Facebook is “let the men have their day.” But here’s the gag. If a man has not been an active parent, then Father’s Day is not his day. It belongs to whomever is filling that void in the child’s life and sometimes it just so happens to be that child’s mother.

Think about it like this. Let’s say you work at a supermarket as a cashier. You get up at 6:00 AM every morning to make it to the store at 7:00 AM sharp because you’re also the person who has to open the store. You go to work everyday doing your assigned job diligently. You have a co-worker who is supposed to relieve you from the register when it’s time to clock out at 3:00 PM. Most days, you stay way past your normal work hours because the co-worker is always late. You’re supposed to be off on weekends, but some way, somehow your co-worker always has an excuse about why he can’t come in. So naturally, you fill in for that person, sacrificing the leisure time you’re supposed to have to do the things you enjoy.  Even though you get some type of gratification for going the extra mile (paid overtime, praise from your manager) it’s still not fair that you have to do all this work because it was never in the original plan.

This same concept applies to a single mother when you have an able-bodied, adult male who is supposed to do his share of parenting, yet you’re the one who is always on the clock. Yes, double-duty gives you the opportunity to be even more involved in your child’s life and build a stronger bond, but is it fair to the mother or the child who only gets to experience one parent? No.

Trust me, if that cashier has any common sense she will let the whole store know who’s keeping that ship afloat. If any overtime is paid she’s making sure it goes on her check, not the co-worker’s. And if any incentives are given, she’s taking them. Why? Because she deserves to be proud of the work she has put in. So why attack single mother’s who pat themselves on the back for Father’s Day? We can’t get mad and say men are no good while giving them a pass for their irresponsible behavior. If we’re going to hold men accountable, parenting is a great place to start.

I don’t have children yet, but if I ever find myself raising a baby on my own I expect Father’s Day to be my day as well and I’m blocking all social media trolls who have something to say about it.

The post Stop Telling Single Mothers They Can’t Take Credit On Father’s Day appeared first on MadameNoire.

The post LL Cool J’s Daughter Got Married On The Eve Of Father’s Day And It Was Beautiful appeared first on MadameNoire.

You worry about your faces

In fact, you hide your face

You monitor your lube use

He keeps asking if you’re okay

You’re not even a little tired after

You worry about your noises

You must have the lights off

You’re concerned about your smell down there

You study up before trying something

You need things mapped out

You can’t orgasm from oral

You won’t let him watch you

The words, “Can we try something?” scare you

You’ve never done it out of the bed

Your sheets stay in place

The post Can You Stand To Loosen Up In Bed? appeared first on MadameNoire.

Earlier this month, Tamar Braxton and Tameka “Tiny” Harris seemed to mend a friendship that had been on the rocks for some time now. We don’t 100 percent know when things went south, but after Tiny shared a post celebrating her godson, Logan Herbert, on his birthday, Braxton responded with a lengthy post apologizing for her part in their issues. And even though it should have been a simple, heartfelt note, Braxton made an effort to throw in some shade about former friend Toya Wright and her book, In My Own Words…My REAL Reality.

It was slight shade, but still messy.

Toya would respond with a very, well, let’s just say strong, expletive-laden clapback:

Paperback Toya?? Really B—h??! What does your non-sincere apology and fake a– public outreach have to do with me?? You are THE fakest b—h I know. You wrote all of that pathetic, attention seeking bulls–t but you conveniently forgot to tell them why ur REALLY mad?? Speak up l…tell em why you and your so-called best friend of 19 years fell out. Why didn’t you tell them how petty you really are? What type of b—h gets mad because a friend posts a birthday message about another friend?? I have your answer tho 👉🏾the same petty a– b—h that got mad At EVERYONE who went on the real talk show that she was FIRED from. I’m sick of you popping off on everybody and then playing victim with yo over the top under the table a–. You talk s–t about your own sisters! U a disrespectful, disloyal, jealous attention fiend. Your desire to be front and center and have all the attention even spilled over into to the church! People trying hear the Lord’s word and you want the people to watch u work! Fake a– praise! F–k You all days and all ways Tamar! Love always, Paperback Toya💋. My new book will be dropping in July!💰 #ihavetimetoday #iapologizetomyfollowers #shekeepplayingwithme #sometimethenolahavetocomeout

Braxton opened up about that uncomfortable Instagram squabble in a new interview with V-103’s Big Tigger, and to be clear, she says, “I don’t go back and forth with anybody, not even the devil. I don’t.”

She also said that she doesn’t want any of her friends, current and former, to think that she would ever make an effort to hold them back from anything, including from going on her former talk show, The Real.

“The whole thing came about because the day before it was Logan’s birthday,” Braxton said. “I got tagged on a ‘Happy birthday to Logan’ from Tiny, which is Logan’s godmom. Tip was saying on the Instagram that me and Tiny need to stop being a diva and make up. So, I just thought it was the sweetest gesture ever. That’s why I decided to send a public apology to my dearest friend, Tiny, on the planet. I felt like they made the attempt to extend an olive branch. I wasn’t trying to hurt anybody, definitely. I’m never trying to hurt anybody but I kind of just wanted to state the facts that it’s just been a lot of speculation that because Tiny and I had a friendship falling out, it wasn’t about what people had been saying. It wasn’t about that show. It wasn’t about the things Toya was saying because she did go on a media tour and wrote a book about how she felt like I was a horrible friend and that was hurtful to me.”

Braxton said she had no knowledge before Wright’s book and tour that they were no longer friends and said things went even more south when she couldn’t promote it on social media.

“That was the first time I’d seen it, which was on a radio station. I didn’t know we wasn’t friends,” Braxton said. “I never want anyone to think I’m trying to hold them back. I’m not even that kind of girl. I don’t even think like that. When I was on that show, [Toya Wright] never even reached out to me and said she wanted to be on the show. Now I’m not the talent booker, I’m the talent [laughs]. I have absolutely no power on who comes on the show, and that’s just how it goes. Come to find out, she also got upset because I didn’t post about her last book, but I don’t have to tell you Tigga, when you work for certain companies, they don’t want you to tweet about or Instagram certain things. And that’s in your contract, you know what I mean? Especially when you work for a corporation. And so you have to kind of run things by them. They didn’t really dig it. And I told her what they said and I guess she didn’t believe me or didn’t want to go with it.”

Braxton stands by the fact that she has no desire or interest in trying to stifle the efforts of other women, especially her friends, whether they want to go on her former talk show (which she wouldn’t name) or write a book.

“Toya, if you’re listening, baby, I have absolutely, positively, no reason to stop you from getting your shine on. I love you, I love Reginae, you know I love the whole clique,” she said. “I want everybody to win. I have absolutely no reason to hold anybody back. I am blessed beyond measure, and for me not to extend those blessings to my friends, which I do, I mean, that would be horrible for me. I’m not even that kind of person.”

As for comments from people that her diva behavior has also played a big part in the deterioration of her friendships, she said that’s false.

“That’s not what I do,” Braxton said. “I’m going to act like a diva to get what? I feel like I make a conscious choice every single day to be a good person. Because you can either be a good person or a bad person and I make the choice to be a good person. So, I don’t know where she got that from. That was hurtful. It was all hurtful. It was hurtful to know that it was a nice gesture that I went to her brother’s funeral and that I basically, economically, made sure all of her friends were there. That was hurtful. And it’s also very hurtful to feel that your friends think a certain way about you behind your back.”

Check out her thoughts on the situation, which start at the 2-minute mark and share your own below.

The post Tamar Braxton Says She Still Loves Toya Wright, Has “No Reason” To Try And Hold Her Back appeared first on MadameNoire.

You may not have noticed, but the last time Nicki Minaj attended the BET Awards was in 2015 when she went with then-boyfriend Meek Mill and they performed “All Eyes on You.” No one made a big fuss about her lack of an appearance last year (because Beyoncé returned to the stage for the first time in years — duh), but her decision to not attend this year is raising eyebrows.

It’s not because Minaj has to be there every year to accept the Best Female Hip-Hop Artist award, which she’s won every year since 2010, but rather, it’s because of the way she announced that she wouldn’t make it:

The rapper let everyone know that she would be performing at the very first NBA Awards in New York on Monday, June 26, which is the day after the BET Awards in Los Angeles. But “ONLY”? What’s that about?

Maybe it’s because people online were hyping up the possibility of there being friction between the Barbie and her rap adversary, Remy Ma. Maybe she was upset at the fact that Remy was also nominated for Best Female Hip-Hop Artist. Maybe BET did something shady behind the scenes that we don’t know about. Maybe the girl is just busy. Whatever the case, some feel that her sharp dismissal of this year’s BET Awards was like biting the hand that has fed her.

They gave star the platform to perform before most others did. That includes performing and debuting her videos on 106 & Park, performing at the old Spring Bling event, allowing her to shine at the Hip Hop Awards, the New Year’s Eve show in 2010. They’ve also given her countless awards. I wouldn’t say they “made” her whatsoever, but they definitely embraced the star’s talent and gave her a lot, including some awards when she didn’t always deserve them. (Honestly, guys, she was barely making music when she beat out Azealia Banks, Iggy Azalea, Dej Loaf, Tink and Trina for Best Female Hip-Hop Artist in 2015.) And they awarded her when other shows, like the Grammys (where she’s been awarded 0 gramophones) and the VMAs (where she’s only won three out of nine awards since her debut) have given her very little.

But she’s not alone. It’s common practice for stars who were given an initial boost by the network and their awards show to stop attending. Rihanna went in 2015 to promote her video for “BBHMM” after not showing up to the show since 2008. Bey, who used to perform every time she put out an album, last performed in 2007 before showing up to perform (and only to perform — she left right after) for the 2016 ceremony. She has good reasons not to attend though. Kanye hasn’t been around since 2012. Drake? Well, despite winning heftily each time he’s nominated, the rapper hasn’t been at the awards show since 2011, and he performed on TV for the first time at the 2009 awards. And Jay Z? Good luck with that.

They might not be necessarily turning their back, but it’s kind of annoying to see stars who were given a boost in the earlier stages of their career by Black awards shows and entities to start passing on attending and supporting them. It wouldn’t be an issue at all if it weren’t for the fact that these are often the same stars who will attend and perform at every other mainstream awards show. And when they’re affected in some way that they deem discriminatory, including by the Grammys, VMAs, Billboard Awards and other big shows, they still won’t attend the BET, NAACP and Soul Train Awards. Maybe you could blame it on the actions of the people/producers behind these events, or the natural evolution of the careers of popular artists. It happens. But in Nicki’s case, to go out of your way to shade the same people who were giving you a platform while you were making faces, changing your voice and wearing multi-colored wigs and chicken necklaces when other people weren’t receptive to your talent? It’s interesting to say the least.

The post Nicki Minaj Announces She’s Not Attending BET Awards In The Shadiest Way Possible appeared first on MadameNoire.

Your friends think they can comment

You’re told to make babies. Immediately.

People ask if he has a brother

People ask what your secret was

People say it’s because of your personality

You can’t help but be jealous sometimes

People ask if you get jealous

You’re curious about the exes

You must never point it out

You get a little more on your game

He gets free stuff. In front of you.

Sometimes he’s insecure

He gets cat called

You get that look

People talk about him in front of you

The post Realities Of Dating Someone Far Fitter Than You appeared first on MadameNoire.

Remixed Destiny Child's 'Bug A Boo' with The Game's 'Hate It Or Love It'.

Sounded great in my head but even better when finished! pic.twitter.com/yFTWFUBnT8 — amorphous (@loneamorphous) June 6, 2017

Bug a Boo x Hate It Or Love It

24K Magic x My Neck My Back

Remixed Beyoncé's 'All Night' with Aaliyah's 'One In A Million'.

Two friends who I really wish had the chance to work together. pic.twitter.com/YRM5xajLhc — amorphous (@loneamorphous) June 6, 2017

One in A Million x All Night

How Will I Know x Kiss It Better

Wow, now THIS is a mashup ladies. pic.twitter.com/6bkRI8biMp

— Lethal Homo (@LordeCali) June 12, 2017

Say My Name x Distraction

Sabrina Claudio | Shake it Off & Don't Remix | This mashup was perfect. pic.twitter.com/Bdo5R4xaXt

— •MotherNature• (@MadamMelanin) June 9, 2017

Shake It Off x Don't

The Color Purple Soundtrack x Prince's Hits

Remixed Selena's 'Bidi Bidi Bom Bom' with Aaliyah's 'Rock The Boat'.

Two legends gone way too soon but their legacies live on. ❤️ pic.twitter.com/gMPLl57BLO — amorphous (@loneamorphous) June 8, 2017

Bidi Bidi Bom Bom x Rock The Boat

Remixed Lauryn Hill's 'Doo Wop (That Thing)' with Beyoncé's 'Crazy In Love (Feat. Jay-Z)'. Thank you guys for all of the support . pic.twitter.com/2SIsoCxBNS

— amorphous (@loneamorphous) June 6, 2017

Doo Wop (That Thing) vs. Crazy in Love

Toxic In The Deep

Hollaback Yoncé

The post 10 Mashups You Didn’t Know You Needed appeared first on MadameNoire.

I’m swearing off dating

I’m still too heartbroken

I’m focusing on my career

I can’t afford to date right now

You’re too good for me

I’m not the commitment type

I need to work on myself

You need to explore and get out there

My family won’t accept you

You’re too needy

The timing isn’t right

I’m too messed up

You’re the marrying type and I’m not ready

I think we dove in too quickly

It’s not you; it’s me

The post Rejection And Breakup Lines That Are Lies appeared first on MadameNoire.

With a quick flick of the wrist, imagine – just for a second – that you can beam off any superpower you desire. Maybe you could make anyone bend to your will, or perhaps you could read minds.

Whatever it is, you are damn good at it. So good that, as you become more settled into your superhuman ability, you develop the ho hums. You casually inspect your nails as a blinding beam of light hits your target – wham! Yawn. It’s just another typical day where someone’s putty in your hands and you’re still a badass.

But then one day, you lethargically flick that wrist of yours again on a new target, and for some odd reason, it’s not working. Flick, flick, flick – nothing!  You panic. Have your superpowers disappeared?

You frantically work your magic on someone else and, to your relief, you still “got it,” baby.

But what is it about that person? Why is she impervious to your spell? Why is it that she cannot soften into clay under your charms?

You are now intrigued.

This is the one person that stands out from all the rest and, for the first time, threatens your dominion. It scares you, challenges you, and finally, excites you.

Now what the hell, you must be wondering, does this have to do with players and how to win their hearts?

Anyone who has truly mastered the art of seduction – luring unsuspecting victims into their “love lair” – lowkey believes they have an amazing ability that makes them all-powerful. Like our superhero, there’s also an element of feeling blasé. To the player, it seems as if everyone around ’em are gullible suckers who do not have the wits to challenge him or her.

Boring!

Sure players get a rush in having their victims wrapped around their little fingers. They get a kick out of confirming that their subtle strategies, whether it’s whispering bullsh-t sweet nothings or being manipulatively Machiavellian, are infallible and fail-safe.

But the thrill is momentary.

After winning the trophy – their target woman or man – they are, once again, swept with a wave of ennui, and they’re already looking for their next victim to snag a new gold medal to hang on their wall.

In their delusions of grandeur, they’re unbeatable. They believe they’re intellectually superior and everyone else is, well, stupid AF. That’s until they stumble upon that one person who is strangely impenetrable to their seductive schemes.

She doesn’t fluster when flattered.

She doesn’t deflate when he disappears.

She doesn’t soften as he slithers.

She is the one who intrigues him.

Though she may not defrost under a player’s spell, this doesn’t mean that she’s cold. Oh no, no, no – au contraire. In fact, she can do something no other woman has done before her and that’s warm him up – getting his heart thumping and his mind jogging – by challenging him, daring him to engage in a little brain-teasing bachata.

“I know what you’re doing,” she’d tell the player with a suggestive wink, “and that’s not what’s going to work on me.”

The player will try to exhaust every trick in the book on her – flick, flick, flick – as she dodges and swerves all his schemes, all the strategies that have worked on every other woman before her.

He’s met his match.

At the brink of defeat, he’ll then realize that the absence of game – his authentic self – is what revitalizes his puppetry over her. After a long time of dimness, a beam of light finally shoots out of his palm, hits her and she bends to his will. But this time, unlike all of his previous victims, she is a willing marionette.

He’ll fall in love knowing that he’s loved back as who he really is – not his “superhero” persona.

So the only way to win a player’s heart is to be the one person – the only person – who can knock him off his game. But then you must build ’em back up, electrifying his mind, body, and spirit, by being the challenger who’s always just one step ahead.

Kimberly Gedeon, founder of The Melody of Melanin, is a content creator with nearly 2,000 professional articles published online about everything from beauty and business to politics and pop culture. You can say hello to her on Instagram or Twitter – she doesn’t bite! 

The post This Is The Only Way To Win A Player’s Heart appeared first on MadameNoire.

“Be careful who you marry because your kids might have carpet texture hair,” warned my friend.

Carpet what? I repeated to myself. I had never heard the term before, but I refused to hit her with a snappy comeback because as ignorant as it was, it said more about her than it did me. I thought about how she, with her hair just a bit looser than mine, which ain’t that loose (without being an expert I’d call mine a 4c) had really bought into the hair hierarchy. And now she was telling me how to pick a mate. She probably felt a sense of urgency because I had just started getting serious with a guy from Africa. With both our nappy heads she probably envisioned a family so full of carpet that if we all lied down on the floor people would walk right over us.

Five years later, we had a beautiful carpet-texture-haired baby. From day one, her hair did not slick down from the baby oil that comes with every baby shower gift. If I am to be perfectly honest, it made me a little uncomfortable. Though I had been wearing my hair natural for at least six years, four of them with locs, I had never been one to embrace the picked out look, though I loved in on people like Cicely Tyson and Angela Davis. I was still trying to emulate a look that I felt was pretty and acceptable so I spent the majority of my time twisting and weighing my hair down with products designed to “bring out the natural curl.” So when I looked at my baby with a full head of carpet texture hair I wondered if it might make for a harder life. This was before Instagram and people everywhere were rocking short naturals. And let’s me be real for a minute, rare is the baby or little girl who is rocking a short, picked out fro. Whenever we went places, Black women would appear out of thin air, giving me advice on what products I could use to make her hair grow. As she got older they’d recommend hair braiders.

It’s interesting though, because after a few years, I started looking at her hair, and the simplicity of her life, and it was much easier than mine. While I was spending all my time fighting with my carpet texture, she was embracing hers.

One day, I decided that I’d had enough crèmes and leave-ins and I couldn’t do another two-strand twist. So I went to a barber named Deana in LA, who was referred by my hairdresser and friend Felicia Leatherwood. I didn’t even know what I wanted, I just knew that it needed to look and feel like freedom. And when she was done I had a short, asymmetrical cut that I loved!  The best part was that all I had to do was pick it out, pat it down, and go!

My daughter is 7 ½ years old now and we’re both in a great place with our hair. It’s not to say that she hasn’t had any issues. When she was in preschool a little girl told her that her hair was “ugly.” But she breezed right through it telling the girl, “You don’t know what you’re talking about, my hair is beautiful!” Damn right.

I tell her, and my second daughter whose hair is short and thicker than everybody’s, that same thing everyday. It’s what I never heard growing up. Who was going to tell a nappy-headed kid that her hair was beautiful back then? It also helps that I’m surrounded by a gorgeous group of Black women with bald, short, and all kinds of textured hair. I’m a huge instawhore so I’m constantly showing both my daughters pictures of beautiful Black women with short naturals. Then there’s the gorgeous, graceful, 10-year-old Jade Jackson who rocks her carpet texture like a little queen. I think what might help the most is seeing me, her mom, comfortable in the hair I’m in. I can’t wait for the day that I can explain to her that she was the biggest gift I could ever have in my own hair journey.

Follow Erickka Sy Savané on Twitter, Instagram, and www.Erickkasysavane.com

The post “Be Careful Who You Marry Because Your Kids Might Have Carpet Texture Hair” appeared first on MadameNoire.

Credit: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com

Well that didn’t take long. After a surprising revelation Friday that Kenya Moore married a mystery man in St. Lucia about a week ago, we assumed the unveiling of her groom wouldn’t happen before season 10 of “Real Housewives of Atlanta” (RHOA). But lo and behold, Kenya couldn’t contain herself for long, posting photos of the big day on Instagram over the past couple of days.

The first photo came by way of Father’s Day wishes the reality star posted openly to her new hubby.

“To my husband,  Happy Father’s Day to you and all the great Dads,” she wrote. “We met a year ago but didn’t speak again until December. Since we reconnected you have been my everything, my one and only, my heart…I love you.
#devotedwife#family#happyfathersday#truelove#bliss“

It wasn’t until last night, however, that we had a name to match the face: Marc, whom Kenya said on the photo below is the best man she’s ever known.

In a teasing post a few days prior, Kenya also shared this image declaring “A good man is hard to find but true love is even harder. I found both.”

Beyond all of those newlywed love notes, the most insightful post — and the only one Kenya has allowed comments on — is the scenic image she posted this morning, reflecting on how not just her life, but she, has changed.

“Over the last months I have learned a lot about myself,” she said. “I reflected and realized that changing my behavior starts with me. I will not be defined by my previous mistakes or bad decisions.

“My life is what is in front of me and not the things I left behind. Thank you God for this wisdom. Thank you God for my new life.
#blessed#kenyamoore“

Sounds like we might see a new Kenya on next season of RHOA. What do you think?

The post Kenya Moore’s Husband Is No Longer A Mystery appeared first on MadameNoire.

If, from the outside looking in, women of color and women of a certain size feel neglected, dismissed, and ignored by the fashion industry, imagine how difficult it must be to actually be a part of that industry, but not really. To be a token of sorts, one of the few who was let in to the secret society, that’s the experience Black plus-size model Philomena Kwao discusses in a new EPIX documentary, Straight/Curve.

As the name might suggest, Straight/Curve explores the unrealistic beauty standards that have come to define the fashion industry and the damaging effects they have on women and girls.

“Ninety percent of young women and girls say they do not feel represented in the fashion industry or in media, and that the imagery they consume on a daily basis makes them feel ‘disgusting’ and ‘less than,'” a press release notes. “Straight/Curve examines the industries and obstacles responsible for this body image crisis and showcases the dynamic leaders fighting for more diversity of size, race and age.”

Those leaders include household name Tim Gunn and several models, from Emme, Denise Bidot, Tess Holliday, Iskra Lawrence, and Charlie Howard, to Jennie Runk, Sabina Kanson, Nathalia Novaes, Robyn Lawley, Sasha Exeter, Nicola Griffin, Erica Kraeter and, of course, Kwao.

In the clip below, Kwao talks about being narrowly defined by her skin color and her size, and how being one of a few plus-size models of color is quite a lonely experience. Check out the sneak peek of the documentary in the video below which airs on EPIX at 8 pm ET Wednesday, June 21.

The post Philomena Kwao: It’s Lonely Being A Black Plus-Size Model appeared first on MadameNoire.

She can relate to the fights

He can feel teamed up on

You’re Eskimo sisters…

You’ll swap vacation stories

His parents already know you

Her parents are a bit confused

Some friends stop trusting you

People always ask her if she’s okay

Your friend and your man may still fight

Her new bf and her ex have to hang out

You know all about their sex life

You work hard to make things different

You keep an eye out for old patterns

She still has his gifts

In ten years, nobody will care

The post What It’s Really Like To Date Your Friend’s Ex appeared first on MadameNoire.

You’ve likely heard that Jada Pinkett Smith is none too fond of the new Tupac Shakur biopic, All Eyez on Me. She stated that the portrayal of her very close relationship with the rapper, who was killed at the age of 25, was overly dramatized to a level that she can’t keep quiet about.

“Forgive me,” she wrote on Twitter, “my relationship to Pac is too precious to me for the scenes in All Eyez On Me to stand as truth.”

The 45-year-old would go on to point out inaccuracies involving the portrayal of their friendship before saying, “The reimagining of my relationship to Pac has been deeply hurtful.” However, she did celebrate the actors who portrayed the late rapper and herself, newcomer Demetrius Shipp, Jr. and Kat Graham.

“To @KatGraham and @Dshippjr this is no fault of yours,” she wrote. “Thank you for bringing so much heart and spirit to your roles. You both did a beautiful job with what you were given. Thank you both.”

But Graham, known for her work on The Vampire Diaries, told EOnline.com that considering Pinkett Smith allegedly had nothing but good things to say about the film leading up to her tweets, she’s taken aback by the star’s disappointment with the project.

“When I first got the role, I reached out to (her) a year and a half ago,” she said at the iHeart Radio MMVAs in Toronto yesterday. “The point of reaching out to her, as well as the other producers on the film, was to insure the integrity of the story and the character. I even spoke to her last week and she had nothing but support.”

Graham continued, “I have a lot of love for her. I hope people just see the movie and make the choice for themselves.”

Despite the mixed reviews from the likes of Smith and even rapper 50 Cent, who said after seeing the money, “that was some bullsh-t,” since being released on Friday (Pac’s 46th birthday), All Eyez on Me has surpassed monetary expectations. It landed in the third spot at the box office with $27.1 million when it was believed that the film would open with just around $17 million.

The post “She Had Nothing But Support”: Kat Graham Confused By Jada’s Criticism Of Tupac Biopic appeared first on MadameNoire.

The coffee mugs

The phone

The bed cover

The accent pillows

The chairs and sofas

The plunger

The remote control

The pool chairs

The ice buckets

The floor

The hot tub

The plastic cups

The bath mat

The light switches

The mini fridge

The post Germ Traps In Your Hotel appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Entering into a committed relationship with a man who has kids from a previous relationship has its ups and downs, but one thing that stands is if you decide to marry a man with children, then his kids are also yours and you should love them as such. But what about a mate who has no biological children and insists on keeping tabs on his ex’s kids? Could you support him in fostering those relationships as well? That’s a question I responded to with a hard “no” when I found myself in that situation.

I’m a huge fan of the “Maury Show.” I’ve been watching it for as long as its been on television and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. A few years ago, the guy I was seeing had a huge problem with Maury because he felt like the talk show exploited Black people and made them look ignorant. I’m laughing out loud even as I write this because Maury Povich has never been the problem; his guests are.

When it came down to it, the guy’s real frustration was with hearing “you are NOT the father” due to a past relationship in which his former lover tried to pin a sickly baby on him. He always had an inclination that the baby boy wasn’t his, but he procrastinated with taking a paternity test and only finally took the plunge when the child was two year’s old. When the little boy turned four, he and the mother parted ways. From what his family told me, the relationship itself was a nightmare, but I’m guessing that his desire to be a part of her children’s lives (the mother also had a school-age daughter) kept him there for an extra two years. Finding out the son wasn’t his led him to become more bitter than what he already was with his life and soon it began infringing on his new relationships, like the one he had with me.

I prefer not to date men with children for my own reasons, though I sometimes make exceptions, depending on other qualities a man possesses. And like I said, if a man has biological children and I’m committed to him, then his kids are my kids; no questions asked. But taking on that role for children who aren’t mine or his? I don’t see it. l could be doing something that leads to a more promising future for myself rather than for kids with their own parents. On several occasions, the aforementioned man asked to meet the little boy and I declined. Apparently, my now-ex had several girlfriends meet this child before I came along, which I personally don’t believe is healthy for the kid or him. I concluded that he just wanted a “sense of fatherhood,” rather than an actual family. And, overall, there was no possible way for me to have a solid relationship with this man who was not willing to heal from his hurt. His “NOT the father” experience happened six years prior to meeting me, if he hadn’t let that hurt go yet he probably wasn’t going to and I’m not in the business of making anybody do anything they’re not ready to do. So I did what I was ready to do which was move on. Would you have done the same?

The post Could You Tolerate A Man Still Holding On To Children That Aren’t His? appeared first on MadameNoire.